Book Review: Making Peace with Porn

makingpeacewithporn
Image description: The book lays on a worn wood surface. The cover features a close up of pink femme lips. The text of the title is stylized purple, blue. yellow, and green. There is a splash of yellow at the bottom of the book that makes it look like the bottom edge is glowing.

This is the best book in the Universe.

 

Ok. That might be an over exaggeration in the scheme of things. But, I can at least say that when I first read this book, it really helped me and I was really happy to have had this book in my life when I did.

 

Making Peace with Porn: Adult Entertainment and Your Guy by Allison Vivas was published in 2013. As you can likely tell from the title, the target audience is women who are having issues with their men watching porn. I have to admit: I was there. Oh boy, was I there. At one time I was so upset by porn, even nude women in mainstream movies made me so upset I would cry.

 

I knew that’s not the person I wanted to be. I didn’t want my emotions controlled by porn and logically I knew my relationship was not threatened by porn. So I searched the internet and the only articles and blog posts I found were completely useless. Either,

 

A) I was just a psycho woman and all my emotions were “crazy” and childish

 

Or

 

B) Porn is a horrible health crises and should be banned. No self-respecting woman would even look at a man who likes to view porn.

 

Well then.

 

As things turned out I worked through many things on my own and I found this book a couple years after I had “made peace with porn.” Though I really wish I would have had this book earlier, it was still refreshing and fortifying to read, and there were a few loose ends this book helped me tie up regarding those issues. I truly enjoyed the time I spent reading this book. I hope women and couples who are struggling over the issue of casual or healthy porn viewing will be able to read this book.

 

Looking back, I loved this book for many reasons but the following are my top three:

 

1. Thorough information and a range of topics

 

This book is packed! It covers myths of the adult industry, how the brain and body work sexually, statistics, history, and sociology of porn and porn viewing. There are also chapters that talk about self-esteem and finding ways to bridge the gap between men’s and women’s desires. This book doesn’t just hold your hand and say, “It’ll be okay.” It really pulls back the curtain of mystery regarding porn and offers a balanced and very thorough account of what all really goes on with porn, from the set to your bedroom.

 

2. Fantastic layout

 
Kudos to the book designers because the layout of this book is great. It is colorful without being distracting and offers photographs, charts, and shoes. A theme of the book is how porn viewing is a lot like shoe shopping, so the theme is played throughout the book with photos of shoes. I thought this was wonderful. The chapters are broken into sub-sections, which makes going back and rereading important points quite easy.

 

3. Empathy and honesty

 

I love the author’s voice throughout the book. She is empathetic – Vivas brings to light many of the emotions and issues I remember having when I was having problems with porn. But she never speaks down to her audience. Her voice is genuine and honest. She holds nothing back and the reader is all the better for it.

 

In conclusion… this is the best book in the Universe.

 

I completely recommend this book not only to the target audience, but to anyone who works with couples: counselors, therapists, and other human service providers. I even recommend this to men, if I can be honest! If you are a human who has issues with porn, read this book. Now.

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